I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
