omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
