Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize