i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
he was CRYING into my vagina
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Houston, we have a squirter
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Randomize
