she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize