Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
