I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize