That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize