The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
