marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
