Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize