The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
