it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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