I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize