Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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