she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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