If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
