someone threw a dead crab at me
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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