come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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