DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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