I'll bet she douches with gravy.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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