I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
