they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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