we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
