If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
