I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
