I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
