This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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