There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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