did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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