At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
