are you still at the devil's house?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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