super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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