why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
