I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
