talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize