So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize