It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
