He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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