there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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