I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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