My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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