I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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