I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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