i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
