Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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