He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
