i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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