I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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