Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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