So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
