Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
