well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
