I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
