I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
How naked do you want me to be?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
