Did you just see the Batmobile???
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
