By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
