I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
