I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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