marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
