I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
