Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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