am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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