Pregnant stripper...not hot.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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