oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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