Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
