I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Every concussion has its silver lining
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
