I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
