i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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