Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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