She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
