So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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