How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
